Saturday, January 21, 2012

Visions of Nibiru

*Full Disclosure* 
I watched melancholia last week and I refute any and all 2012 end of the world stories as completely fucking retarded. Enjoy reading.

I had a dream last night. It was pretty much the same as the intro to melancholia with a few bits from the middle of the movie thrown in.

I was looking up at the sky at night and there was a big bright red dot. I knew it was called Nibiru and that others were talking about it.

The next morning i looked up and it wasn't a dot at all anymore. It was a large, high definition, blood red version of Jupiter (which is actually Nibiru btw). A few hours later and it was massive in the sky. I knew this meant it was coming at an incredible speed.

I don’t know how but I wasn’t exactly there for the actual impact. It was just… over. I and a few others were left floating around inside of earth’s atmosphere. The atmosphere had apparently continued to exist without the earth, but was much smaller.

Beyond the atmosphere was nothing but fire. I didn’t look directly at it because I knew that if I did it would be like staring into the pits of hell. Instead my focus stayed on the floating rocks and the people that sat upon them, keeping the nightmarish conflagration in my periphery.

The patch of dirt that I was left on (no doubt a Nietzsche reference) slipped away from underneath me and I was adrift through this weightless space.

I found that, after some drifting, I could control my movements. But this control gradually failed too and I began to drift again.

This time I was drifting backwards and I knew what was about to happen. I was floating backwards towards the nearest edge of the atmosphere, legs first. As I was slowly, horrifically and completely consumed by the yawning hell behind that barrier; I woke up.

There were a wide range of emotions around this dream for me. Mostly, in this array of emotions, was a feeling of bemusement.

Bemusement at so many things; at how absolutely and completely hopeless our efforts had ultimately become, how we have come so far and yet in the grand scale of things we were not so much as an inconvenience to this indifferent, remorseless, hulking behemoth that was about to obliterate us totally.

Most interestingly though, I thought, were the times when I was scared.

The only time during this whole dream when I actually felt scared was when I would become paralysed with fear looking up at the sky at that red swirling orb.

I would argue that the hell behind that membrane was a much more terrifying notion but the only time I was truly scared, I was paralysed with fear as I looked up at that impending doom.

It wasn’t a fear of pain; it wasn’t even a fear of death. It was a fear of lack of control. That this thing was about to happen and I had absolutely no say in the matter. A gigantic catastrophe was about to befall me and there wasn’t a single damn thing I could say about it.

Upon awakening I didn’t really find that much respite from this fear. I found myself considering the utter immensity of JUST this solar system. The size of the real Nibiru, Jupiter, is so staggeringly immense that when you really think about it, we are so small, and still so remarkably self-important for our level of significance.

This is the scale of it:

Does this not scare the fuck out of EVERYONE?

Friday, January 20, 2012

A Little About Me

Social morality has never had that much of a grasp on me. I wasn't really raised in society. I was raised by TV, locked in my house because of my mother’s delusional fantasies about how scary the world is, up to the age of 13. So yeah, I never really learned a conventional social morality structure.

I had no way of learning conventional social consequences. I lived in a world of over dramatization and theatrical endings.

This perspective has led to ridiculous turbulence in the stability of my adult relationships and was pretty much why I had to supplement my social learning with material from other peoples experience (i.e. the “pick-up” community).

This was initially to give myself a basis for learning how people work from the ground up because of how completely clueless I was about the whole subject of “people”. I have had a hard time, in the past, dealing with people because of how contradictory people’s behaviour was compared to the people I learned from on TV.

Things are never as clear cut or easy to resolve or simple or complicated or intriguing as those over dramatized versions of real people. In real life closure tends to elude people no matter how many desired outcomes they think they need to achieve it and in the long run acceptance of what’s “wrong” tends to lead to a greater freedom. Just for example.

But at the same time this sort of empty perspective has also been a great help to me in learning, without preconception, a great deal about the true nature of the human condition and why people are the way they are.

Interesting side effect is though, that I have a hard time hearing much of anything at all from this “conscience” that I hear others speak of. I try my best to live rightly, but as with all people, at the end of the day it’s all about me.  

Being what is basically walking evidence of moral nihilism kind of makes it easier to adapt to that moral framework and that understanding has lead me to a great deal of inner calm.

This amoralism has made it very convenient for me to explore alternatives such as the categorical imperative (a, probably lengthy, article on that soon to come). For some that kind of thing is how they were raised to think and then when they see it has a name they simply go “oh, that’s what I do”.

While I may be a walking definition of moral nihilism, I don't particularly find the notion that all things are devoid of inherent traits all that despairing. As is the conventional argument against it “it doesn’t feel or sound very nice”. As if that opinion had some bearing on the reality of our plight.

The most disgusting distortion of moral nihilism is the notion that the only logical thing for a moral nihilist to do is to kill themselves. This notion always struck me as utterly ridiculous for that kind of opinion (read moral belief structure) implies that some moral action. Is this really the only image that can be associated with an acceptance of all things in the universe being equal?

What’s so wrong with endeavour for the sake of endeavour, and what’s so wrong with aiming to achieve moral outcomes without an inherent morality. I mean shit; we're all just trying to get along right?